god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
