My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
