Your face is a jimmy john
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
