she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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