What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
