Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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