I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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