well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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