Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
