i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
