I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
