I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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