This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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