You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
