I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
