I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
