xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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