Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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