it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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