got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
