did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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