Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
