Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
