i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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