I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
