The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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