five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
