Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
