living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
