like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
