So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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