Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
