I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
