He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
