She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
