I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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