I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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