I bet he comes in French.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
