I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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