I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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