Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is pants optional.
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