wakey wakey hands off snakey
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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