God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
