I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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