Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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