what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize