guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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