Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
