Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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