I should be sponsored by Trojan
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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