New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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