He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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