you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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