is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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