yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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