I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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