so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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