He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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