he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
50% drunk capacity currently
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
